Looking for that special something for your loved one or frenemy this holiday season? Give the gift of freedom with this selection of political wares only befitting of a presidential hopeful. But seriously, forget statesmanship. This election is all about getting down with the cool kids. E.G. Hillary Clinton selling a t-shirt that has “yaaas” branded across it.
Below are some of the best/worst items for sale from some of the 2016 presidential candidates.* Multiple Ugly Christmas Sweaters included.
*Note: Not all the candidates had merch for sale (Chris Christie) and the others didn’t have anything off-kilter. And no, I didn’t include you-know-who on purpose. He gets enough attention.
“Jeb and Columba love whipping up guacamole on Sunday Funday. Now, you can get in on the act with this “Guaca Bowle.” Jeb’s secret guacamole recipe not included…yet.” Get your Sunday Funday kicks with the Guaca Bowle.
“He may be a clean-cut grandfather now, but back in the 70’s, Jeb had a sideburn-mustache combo that would make Burt Reynolds blush. Wear this tank on South Beach to make sure he doesn’t forget it.” Hey hipsters, Jeb was young and hip once too! Never forget.
“My Dad” T
“Jeb sums up his love for his dad in one powerful quote. Let’s hope you don’t want to step outside.” I don’t understand this shirt. I don’t think the guy modeling it does either. What does this have to do with politics?
Ben Carson Christmas Sweatshirt
Could this guy’s smile be any more blinding? It’s as if he’s saying: YOU GET AN UGLY CHRISTMAS SWEATER! YOU GET AN UGLY CHRISTMAS SWEATER! WE ALL GET UGLY CHRISTMAS SWEATERS!
“I Got A Fever” T-Shirt
“America’s got a fever and there’s only one cure… More Carson. We’ve got your prescription for cool with this vibrant blue tee. Wear it to the coffee shop or out on the town. Compliments guaranteed!” So many compliments.
Hillary for the Holidays Sweatshirt
H is for holidays! Spend them wrapped in the cozy throws of progress.
Stitch By Stitch Throw Pillow
“The perfect touch for any home, whether it’s 1600 Pennsylvania Ave or simply Pennsylvania.” All the women who independent, throw your pillows up at me.
Cruz Limited Edition Christmas Sweater
“Don’t tread on me” or my Christmas spirit!
Right Turns Only Bumper Sticker
Hit ’em where it hurts with a “right turns only” bumper sticker. Then explain to everyone why you’re always late.
Rand Paul has some of the most interesting gear of all the presidential candidates. Including a signed eye exam, baseball and a zombie clown gun target. Plus a whole page dedicated to anti-Hillary merch. Here’s just a couple of items from his impressive selection:
Rand Paul Holiday Jingle Socks
“Jingle your way across the floor in these cheery Rand socks.” They’ll keep your toes “all snuggly and warm” during those bitter cold political debates.
Unleash The Dream Tee
“No one wants their government keeping them on a leash. It’s time to Defeat the Washington Machine and Unleash the American Dream. Take the Rand Paul message with you in a more subtle way. The dogtag has the Rand logo with the campaign theme below…and every good American likes a dog!” Unleash…get it?!
Who knew Rubio was so punny? Espresso yourself with this drink-ware. If you really want to take things to the next level, you can always ‘buy Marco a plane ticket,’ so he can make it to his next political rally. You’ll get a Tweet of gratitude and postcard and everything!
Freedom of Espresso Mug
The perfect mug for the land of the free and the home of the caffeinated.
Water Great Nation Water Bottle
Quench your thirst with the refreshing, crisp taste of freedom.
Turns out Bernie’s a bit punny himself. Let everyone know you’re feelin’ the bern with this swag.
“Contents May Bern” Coffee Mug
Don’t say you weren’t warned.
Tote Bag: I’m Totes Votin’ for Bernie
There you have it. A selection of some of the 2016 presidential candidates most memorable merch, to make your holidays just a little more memorable. Make your selections with care.